Tecrin gets fit: one year in

Okay, so it's one year and a bit. Whoops!

One year ago, on the 17th of June 2012, I made a Big Decision. I had made a few before in the previous year: I made the Big Decision to quit my job at the bookshop, I made the Big Decision to start freelancing as a translator, and on the 17th of June 2012, I made another Big Decision. I don't even quite know what brought it on, but what I do know is that on the evening of that day in June, I had had enough of what I was doing with my life and needed a big change that I had complete and utter control over, unlike my work Decisions: I decided to get fit!

Don't mind my grumpface. It was cold!

In 2010, I was probably at the very height of my weight. I don't know how much I weighed at this point, but I remember at one point having the scales tip over 115 kg. They may have even gone up past that! And I looked the part, too. Very unhappy with myself, in June 2011, I signed up at the local gym, got a summer subscription and spent at least two days at the gym each week. That may not sound like a lot, but it was definitely a step up from the zero exercise I was getting at that point. I got a simple workout routine assigned to me by a trainer, and slowly went from pushing myself out the door to actually looking forward to working out. It wasn't often that I felt like that, mind, but it happened from time to time.

Awful picture is awful. Jeesh, Stef, who taught you how to dress, monkeys?!

A year had past, and despite working out at least twice a week and trying my hardest at the gym, I couldn't see a lick of difference. This is me in June 2012, days after I made the Big Decision, at my official starting weight of 112,5 kg. I upped my gym time to 3 times a week, and started to really pay attention to what I was eating. As it turned out (and as I already knew but didn't have the willpower to change) I was eating a bucketload of crap. Unhealthy, fat, sugary muck, mostly. Days could go by without me eating a single piece of fruit or vegetable. I drank almost nothing but sugary drinks, juices, lemonades, sodas. I cut out all these sugary drinks, and switched to water entirely. I changed to eating actual breakfast, instead of eating biscuits and drinking coffee.

After about 2 months in, I could slowly start to see some changes in my face. That felt amazing!

After about a month, I learned enough about healthy food to start eating better properly. I started counting calories on an app on my phone to better keep track of the unhealthy food choices I was making, started incorporating healthy dinners, better lunches than instant soup and crackers or sandwiches layered with cheese and ham, or peanut butter, or Nutella. I learned to not finish off every last bite in the pan, that it was okay to throw away or freeze the food we hadn't eaten during dinner. Tim slowly warmed up to the idea of eating healthier and better, too!

As time ticked on, I became more and more of a gym rat: I spent at least 2 hours, 3 times a week at the gym, I started running (and ended up in physical therapy because I'm a dolt with weird muscles), I started to incorporate more weights into my workouts. At the end of 2012, I was down well over 15 kg! I could go shopping with my mother and actually fit into stuff in the regular section! No more shopping trips that ended in tears and despair! I even fit into jeans from a shop I used to love! The body image issues I talked about in my opening post a year ago still reared their heads every now and then, when I couldn't see any progress or had a shitty day and ate everything in sight. But I was slowly learning to come to terms with it!

It was 2013... And look at that! A shape, that can be described as more than just 'blob'!

In February of 2013, I got my first gym routine that was based heavily on heavy weights. It was amazing! Such an eye opening moment to realise that I loved lifting weights so much! I even started bench presses, that made me feel even more bad-ass. After working up to the weights room though, I wanted more. With help from my trainer at the gym, I weaned off the cardio to a basic warming up and cooling down, and as of May 2013, I got a real, heavy weights routine, with deadlifts, bench presses, barbell squats, kettlebell swings, barbell rows and clean and presses. I think I can safely say that I have become fairly addicted to working out and getting stronger! I recently even joined in a gym-wide timed circuit challenge and wasn't happy with my first time, so I did the circuit a second time and beat my old time by almost a full minute! The rush of personal victories that can only come from your own strength and ability is amazing, and I love it every time I put an extra plate up on the barbell or pick up a bigger dumbell.

I found support in the ranks of the members of Fitocracy when I needed it, it turning rapidly into my favourite online hangout, paired with a great group of ladies in a Ravelry group I'm a member of (Cheerclub! Fistbump!). I also found support in my family members and of course Tim. I even managed to drag my mother to the gym with me and got her to pick up some heavier weights a few times. She loves it!

Approximately 1 year difference! The sign is my trainer's way of being ironic. Burpees. How I hate them. Ugh!

After one year, I think I can say with honesty that I am damned proud of myself for the progress I have made so far. Am I done? Are you kidding? I just got started! I am going to keep working to better myself, learn more about nutrition, healthy living, get stronger, get healthier, and work like a machine to turn myself into the best version of me there can be. I can't wait to see what the next year will bring!

Life, the Universe, and Everything. Or: 20 kg!

It's been a while since I posted anything about my weight loss and my health so I figured hey, what the heck. The most recent pictures I took were on January first, and they're kinda old news already, although I think you wouldn't be able to spot the difference between me there and me now so I'm not taking new ones yet. You see, today I found out that I crossed a new threshold: 20 kg! Holy crap!

I had a bad day the day I put the above image together but there's really no denying that I look a lot better in the new pictures. More in proportion, as a friend put it. Mind you, he was drunk at the time, but still. I'm still a long way off my goal weight too, so I wonder if that would put me in proportion even more. Remind me to get him drunk and ask him when that time comes.

Now, apart from just continuing what I have been doing for the past 8 months, all I have to do is work on my posture... Stop leaning forward, stop overextending my knees, stop pulling up my shoulders (see how lopsided I seem in the picture to the far left? I think I used to think that made me look less fat, or something), learn to relax my posture... It'll take a loooooot of work to fix years and years of standing wrong, but I'm determined now. If anything, it'll help me a lot in my workouts!

Speaking of... I started lifting weights in November, and am currently improving my techniques and posture, adding weights where I can but it's not my main focus and will only happen if I feel I have outgrown the current weight settings, eliminating exercises that are not working for me such as the Smith machine squat or the step-up (I could live with the fact that it made me feel like I was in an Eighties aerobics video, but it was taking its toll on my lower legs!), and above all that I'm working on my stamina by going running! I started another interval training schedule, beginning with intervals of 1 minute at a slow pace (8 km/u) and hopefully leading up to doing a full C25K-program when the weather gets better. Right now, it's going great and I feel like I'm progressing gradually to a point where I can extend my time running again! I'm also tracking my every move (at least the ones I make at the gym) with my heart rate monitor and through Fitocracy, making it very easy to spot if and where I go wrong.

Apart from that really, nothing has changed. Just more of the same. Apparently that works!

I'm a bad blogger. I can't even think of a title.

December, you are killing me. Seriously. It's already the 10th! Only 15 days until Christmas and only 21 until the year is over! Personally, I cannot wait. I'm exhausted. Bring on 2013, because 2012 really was a weird year for me...




Last week, after a tiny flurry of snow on Monday, we ended up with a heaping ton of snow all over the country on Friday! The whole country in a panic, traffic jams at the sight of the first snowflake to hit a wind shield, trains pre-emptively delayed out of fear that one might hit a snow drift and derail (or, more likely, hit a snowflake and derail)...
Unfortunately for me, this came accompanied by a cold front and heavy wind, meaning everywhere I went, people had cranked up the heating. I'm pretty sure I've already told you before about my terribly annoyingly dry skin thanks to eczema, but just in case you weren't aware: I have pretty bad eczema when the weather changes and the heating gets cranked up everywhere and going in and out of heated rooms into the cold outside really aggravates it. So now you know. Exciting, huh?

I tried hiding indoors for the week, hoping to avoid going out completely, but we had a lot going on! First, there was Sinterklaas, and I decided to make knitted Christmas ornaments for my mother so I learned how to knit on DPNs (2.5mm, hooooo fiddly!), quite an accomplishment for someone whose only knitting success has been a tiny purse knitted on 5mm needles, if I say so myself. I'm actually still not sure what inspired me to pick up the needles, and I cursed them regularly as I wrestled with colour patterns and bits of string and pointy, pokey ends. (A non-knitter may never know the true agony that is poking yourself in the boob with the other end of a DPN while wrestling with a decrease, but I'm sure a few of you ladies are groaning in recognition and sympathy right now) I finished the last one about 15 minutes before we had to leave on Wednesday. Panicky knitting? Absolutely! Then, like the terrible blogger I am, I forgot to take any pictures of the finished baubles, and instead I wrapped them up and gave them away. I only realised that I forgot until Thursday, and I probably won't be back over at my parents' house until Christmas!

Thehen, it was the BF's birthday, and we baked the most delicious of all cakes ever to have been produced in my oven, (an amaretto-chocolate cake, hooooboy) and I forgot to take any pictures of it AGAIN. Seriously, if that doesn't win me the bad blogger of the year-award, I don't know what does. At least I saved the recipe for later use, though. Thank you, Pinterest!
Thehehen, it was the weekend, and I had all these plans to do stuff and get a decent blogpost up, and go out and enjoy the great weather on Saturday, and work out, and write... Instead, I spent half the weekend in bed, exhausted from a severe lack of sleep. Thanks, eczema, you really are doing wonders for my health. The other half of the weekend, I spent lounging on the sofa, watching a film (the Star Trek remake from 2008), playing with the birds, eating left-over birthday cake, and not doing much in particular. I guess I needed it.

In other news... Have I told you guys about Fitocracy? If you like games and need a fun boost for your work-out-mojo, try it out sometime! It's a website dedicated to fitness, where you log your workouts in order to receive points, gain levels, get achievements, fulfil quests, and hang out with other fitness-minded individuals! It's been one hell of a motivational tool for me!
Unfortunately, my fitness regime is suffering tremendously under the increase of my work hours and the sorry state of my health at the moment, as the eczema also takes a hefty bite out of my immune system and has left me with a bad cold for the past month or so. I do still try to work out at least twice a week, thrice if I can manage. I changed my workout schedule from low-weight, high-rep exercises and a butt-load of cardio to some actual weight training exercises and I could not be happier with that! I started doing squats, bench presses, even chin-ups! It's great fun, even though I'm still mostly working on form and not so much on lifting heavy. Give it time, though. I'll get there.

There! Now you're all up to speed on what the hell has been going on with me the past week or so. Hopefully (fingers crossed) this won't be the last time you hear of me until 2013!

I passed the 15 kg mark!

15! 15! 15! 15! Landmark! Woohoo!

For a while, I thought I wouldn't even get passed the 12.5 because I was horribly stuck on a plateau, but look at that! 15! I won't reach my first goal this year any more, though, because that would mean another 17.5 to go in 2 months. But oh well. I'm surprisingly okay with that. Slow and steady wins the race, after all!

Lunchtime: turkey salad

I have some serious salad issues. As in, I really, really love salads. It's becoming an issue.

Nah, who am I kidding, there is no such thing as too much salad! I have been on a bit of a salad kick recently and have been eating salad for lunch a lot. Normally, I hide it by wrapping it in a tortilla, but tortillas aren't exactly the healthiest of foods. So I left out the wrap and put it in a bowl! Then put a bird on it. That's how I roll. (and apparently I'm a poet and I don't even know it.)

This salad is the easiest of salads because it requires just 5 minutes of your time to throw together and requires only a tiny amount of cutting and chopping. You could even do it without the cutting and chopping. And with a total of 300 calories a bowl (give or take a few, my calculations say 308) it's a perfect lunch that'll keep you going for a while. For dinner, I want to make this with grilled chicken breast, maybe marinate it first, and more tomatoes, maybe some peppers, maybe a decent dressing... Maybe even some grains to bulk it up.. The possibilities are endless, people, endless!

 I know this is so easy it doesn't require a recipe, but here is one anyway.

What you need:
1-2 cups of rocket lettuce
3-4 cherry tomatoes (I think I used 4 here)
2 slices of turkey lunch meat
50 gr. light feta cheese (This is Arla Apetina)
1/2 tablespoon olive oil (0,075 ml)
salt
pepper
dried Italian herbs
(optional) 20 gr. pine nuts (leave these out to cut calories. I would, but I love these so so so much..)

What you do:
If you are adding pine-nuts, they're best slightly toasted. Grab a pan, pop it on the stove with the burner on low, wait until your pan is relatively hot, throw in the pine nuts and toast them lightly, stirring or shaking occasionally, until they turn more golden and fragrant and are luring your boyfriend into the kitchen with their enticing scent to come see what you're cooking. Turn off the heat, shake occasionally until you're ready to use them. (And be mean like me and waft some of that enticing scent down the hall to the study where he's sitting.)

Grab a small bowl, add your oil and add a dash of salt (don't overdo it, there's plenty in the cheese and turkey!) and some pepper and Italian herbs to taste. Stir well and set aside.
Slice your turkey slices into squares. Quarter the cherry tomatoes.

Fill your bowl with your lettuce. Then start topping up! Add your turkey, tomatoes and feta cheese, top with the toasted pine nuts if you have them, and drizzle the dressing over the top. Done! Enjoy your tasty, tasty lunch!

Crunch time, in more ways than one

Today was my first day back at work. I only worked for half an hour, mind you, because I only attend the weekly meeting and then bugger off again, but still. Back to work is back to work. I followed it up by going back to the gym. That took longer than half an hour. An hour longer, in fact. I jumped back into it, cautious at first, because I was afraid that running might be a problem after two weeks of nothing, but it went well! So good, in fact, that while I started at a 5-5-5 schedule, I quickly boosted up the running part to 6, and then 7 minutes. Back to where I left it before my holiday! Not too shabby, if I say so myself.
I may have overdone it a bit on the weight training, though. Might end up being magnificently sore tomorrow. But that's okay, I'm working all day tomorrow anyway!

I had to pick up my bicycle at the BF's parents' house afterwards so I walked there. On the way, I realised that it really is Autumn now. Beautiful colours everywhere, leaves falling, crackling underfoot... Don't you love that sound? I do. Plus, I like to kick them around when there's a whole pile of them. Yes, I'm five years old.

I can't wait for the first chance I get to head out to the woods and go for a long walk with my parents. My dad always manages to find the weirdest trees and the best walking trails. Plus, the mandatory tea and apple cake afterwards is something to look forward too, as well!

Face/Off! Well, not literally, of course.

I posted a picture of myself on my blog the other day and showed it to my mother (I was actually showing her a picture of my luscious balcony garden because I was a proud gardener, and we scrolled past it) and she couldn't get over how much my face had changed already. In her words: I had a puffy face before. It made me feel a bit weird: proud, because hey, she could see change in my face! Hurray! But it also made me feel uncomfortable because really, was my face that bloated and puffy?

So here's a little comparison with the picture I took earlier this week, and a picture I took roughly 2 years ago, from the same angle. Pardon the weird hair in the old picture. I was feeling fluffy, apparently.
I guess... I can see some difference. I mean, my face is less round, I think. And my chin is already less double, if you know what I mean. The biggest difference seems to be found near my glasses, though, they look like they're less close to my face than in the picture on the right. 
But hey, I can indeed see change! Change is good!

In other news, I can proudly say that I survived a weekend of bad habits and bad food, because I came back from a music festival and had gained less than a kilo. I was expecting a rise, since I completely screwed up my eating habits (try eating regularly and healthy when the temperatures rise above 38 degrees. I don't know about you, but that usually royally screws up my appetite.). I wouldn't eat much at all during the day, and as soon as we could sit down and grab something to drink and eat, I was elbow-deep in the bag of crisps and chugging down cold, sugary fruit drinks, and after the sun went down it felt like I would try to eat the entire day's worth of food in one sitting. I don't think it was actually that bad, but I did fear a big setback in my weight because of it. Fortunately, it wasn't that bad at all,  and I'm already back on the same weight I was last week before we left!

In other, other news: my PT is letting me run again! I already tried it out a few times and since I was getting good results (or rather, not getting crappy results) so he gave me the green light to start working on a running schedule! Right now, it looks as follows:
- warming up, walk for 5 minutes at 5.5km/h
- interval, walk for 40 seconds at 5.5km/h, run for 20 seconds at 8.0km/h, repeat 5 times
- cooling down, walk for 5 minutes at 5.5km/h
I can slowly build up the amount of repeats in the interval section until I'm at 10 repeats and 20 minutes total, and then I can start increasing the length of the interval.
I'm so excited, you guys! Can't wait to get up on the treadmill and run again. I think, but I haven't really kept track of stats, that I'm already improving a bit, but I'm going to keep track of heart rates, speed, distance and calories so I can really see improvement. Exciting stuff!

I've passed the 10kg mark!

YEAH BABY.

10 down, 20 to go for my first goal weight!

Run, Stef, RUUUUN!

You guys! YOU GUYS! Big news y'all!

I had an appointment with my PT on Wednesday and he told me that I could slowly start trying out running again! He taped my leg up just to be sure (colour: bright blue war paint, or so says BF), and I still need to do a lot of stretching and exercises, but he said that if I wanted to, I could give it a go! So I went running today, you guys!

I was a bit nervous about it, since my leg started cramping up a bit yesterday and was behaving like a general pain in the behind. I'm guessing it's because I was a bit nervous about it. Yeah. I know. But my leg actually behaved today!

It was a short run on the treadmill, with 5 minutes of walking, followed by 5 repeats of 20 seconds of running and 40 seconds of walking, followed by 5 minutes of walking. So all in all it was a solid 100 seconds of running. So basically half a marathon, give or take a few minutes. Hours. I know, it's not impressive if you list it like that, but I don't care because my leg held up and I did not collapse in pain like I did the last time I went for a jog.

It's a bit sore now, though, and it's slightly worse when I have been sitting down for a while, so I'm going to pester the BF to give me a massage tonight otherwise I can't walk tomorrow. But holy crap you guys, this is progress! Can't wait for my workout on Monday, so I can go again!

Pizza-night

You know how every once in a while you get that craving? The unshakable urge to just indulge in a big pizza? I know you do. Everyone does. Right? I've only once heard of someone not liking pizza. We cut all ties after that. I can't live around someone who doesn't like pizza.

(I kid. A bit.)

Pizza has been a staple in this house for a while now, since we're both lazy and often can't be bothered to make a decent meal. Now, with my change in diet, I can't eat normal pizza of course. (in fact, I don't think I have had normal pizza for weeks!) Normal pizzas often clock in at 800 or 900 calories a piece! And don't even get me started on the so-called American pizzas, with their thick crusts and abundance of cheese and toppings.  But a low-calorie pizza? That's right up my alley!

I found this recipe in a diet book I've had lying around for years but never took the time to really look into. While the original called for blue cheese and roasted peppers as its toppings, two toppings I really do not care for at all, I liked the idea of using a simple tortilla as the base instead of a pizza crust. We kept the toppings simple and tasty, and kept the toppings on mine to a bare minimum and added some more for the BF's pizza. The wrap base turns into a very decent, albeit somewhat thin and flexible, base, with a very tasty and crunchy edge. So tasty, in fact, that the BF ate every single last crumb, whereas he normally would leave the edges because he doesn't like bread.
The pizza base, just the wrap and the tomato-pesto sauce, works great with almost any topping and I am definitely making a roast chicken pizza next time, and want to experiment with other kinds of cheese, lower calorie meats, maybe a veggie pizza... Think of the possibilities!
While the original recipe clocks in at about 450 calories, with the adjustments we made, in particular the regular mozzarella and the salami, but also the addition of the pine nuts, I think this one comes closer to 550, 600 calories. Still miles away from the 900 I would normally chow down, though!


Wrap pizza

ingredients:
-1 large wrap tortilla
- 1 carton of pureed tomatoes
- pesto
- mozzarella (you could go for light mozzarella, but the only one they sell in our supermarket tastes like rubber bands, so we went for the regular one)

- pine nuts
- thinly sliced salami
- pepper
- rocket/rucola lettuce

Preheat the oven to 200 C.
Mix your tomato puree and three teaspoons of pesto. Spread about 2 tablespoons of the mixture on a wrap. Slice your mozzarella reasonably thin. Top your pizza with a couple of slices of salami, some mozzarella, followed by a sprinkle of pine nuts and some pepper.
Bake for about 10 minutes until the cheese has melted and the crust is crispy. Top before eating with a big handful (or two, if you're like me and eat it off your pizza before eating the actual pizza) of rocket lettuce.

Enjoy!

The problem of overeating and comfort eating

Anyone who has had trouble with their weight will know exactly what I'm going through right now just from reading the title: Overeating and comfort eating.

Overeating, simply put, is to not stop eating when you know you should. I used to do this a lot. A lot. I would not stop because there was still food on my plate, or because I thought it was a waste to throw food away, or because I was convinced I should, but mostly because I thought I had deserved it (comfort eating). Eating for comfort could be seen as a disorder, and could be fuelled by emotional issues, stress or depression.

Before, I used to overeat because it made me feel better, even though afterwards it would make me feel worse. I know I used to comfort eat a lot when I felt miserable because I thought I deserved a treat to make me feel better. This type of overeating is often caused by emotional discomfort or depression, and in my case (and I think this is the case for a lot of people in this situation), I often got stuck in a loop: I'd feel terrible about  myself, eat for comfort, and then feel bad again because I just stuffed my face. Other moments, and these may even have been worse, I would stop myself from eating something because I knew I should not, succeed in convincing myself, and then reward myself for my great resolve... by eating that same thing I was not going to eat.

But I also used to overeat because I thought it was just part of my routine: I would sit down behind the pc to game (I play World of Warcraft) and I would grab a bag of sweets or crisps because I felt like that was part of it. I would have a bag or bowl nearby and every time there was a quiet moment in-game (during a raid after a wipe, or after a boss kill, or while flying from one spot to the other...), I'd reach for a treat without even noticing, emptying a bag in record-time just because I was on flight points a lot or because we were wiping a lot during progression raids.

This last week I have been stuck in a similar loop again and it is bugging the hell out of me. Even though I know I should not eat that one bad thing, I seem to have lost all self-control and even found myself thinking in old patterns again where I would reward myself with food. I polished off an entire bag of crisps in two evenings. I emptied a bag of almonds in one. I ate sweets for the first time in weeks. Last night after dinner, I went to put my plate in the kitchen and ate leftover pasta sauce straight from the pan. Even though I haven't touched it all week, I know there is a bar of chocolate in the cupboard with my name on it and even though the fact that it's been in there for a week and is still untouched is a good sign, I get distracted and cranky just thinking about it. And I know this may not sound terrible, but it is making me feel awful! These are old habits, bad old habits, and I have been trying so very hard these past five weeks to kick those habits and I thought I was succeeding, but I let my guard down for one week and I end up doing those exact same things all over again.

The lack of restraint has been showing in my weight, but it's not as bad as I originally thought. I have been bouncing like a kangaroo on a skippy ball all week (those with an imagination like mine, enjoy that image in your head), but I am still down 1.3 kilo from last week, currently weighing 104 kg, meaning I'm 8,5 kg down from my starting weight. My weight loss schedule has not been harmed. But I'm doing this to be happy and feel better about myself, so despite the apparent lack of impact on my weight, I'm really not happy with this situation.

The stupid thing is, I know where it comes from. I start a new job tomorrow. I'm unbelievably nervous. This is a job that I have no actual education or training in, that I only have amateur experience in, that I applied for based on the confidence others have in my ability to do this job. What if I fuck it up? I know that it's not a big deal should it happen, but I don't handle rejections and failure very well... (I am also a very bad loser at games. I once tore a pack of cards in two after losing a game of Mau Mau. This may be related...) Last week, and this week, I started receiving the necessary equipment and logins and passwords needed to do this job (I will be working from home) and there is now a phone staring at me from the corner of my eye, and software popping up and blinking with new messages. I am pretty damned nervous for tomorrow.

 So despite knowing the source of my discomfort and cause of my uncontrollable impulse to eat, I am having some real trouble stopping myself from eating... But I have come up with a new strategy. I am going to try and distract my mind with the Olympic Games and some crochet and see if this brings any good results next week. Hopefully I'll still have that chocolate bar, and a nice, sturdy crochet basket to keep it in!

Post-workout musings

I don't know about you guys, but after a good workout, I am absolutely parched! That's probably why my favourite post-workout snack is this:

Grapes and ice cold water. Oh yes. Delicious, cold, juicy grapes... Oh how I love thee.

I had a tiresome workout today, and I'm not quite sure why. All I know is that I was absolutely spent after an hour and I still had some exercises and cardio left... I accidentally skipped my crunches (d'oh) because I completely forgot, and I only did 6 minutes worth of rowing, I think. Not an awful lot... Though I don't know for sure, since therapist Mark told me of the fishing game on the rowing machines and challenged me to break his record, so I'm more focused on playing the game than on how long one round of fishing actually is... It's so much fun, though. You are a medium-sized fish and you need to eat the tiny regular-sized fish and avoid getting eaten by the big fish because that costs you points, and you move your fishie up and down by rowing faster or slower. My record so far is 1470 points. The score to beat? 2120. I've got a lot of work to do still. He promised me a big bowl of blueberries though if I ever do, so I'm determined to beat his score. I'm a sucker for free fresh fruit...

I've been playing around with the cardio programming on the bikes and elliptical machine but it's throwing me off a bit. There's one called 'Extreme Heart Rate Interval' and holy mother of Bob is it Extreme. With a capitol E. It calculates your top heart rate (I think mine was at 163) and then builds up levels as you go to get you to that heart rate faster, and once you reach it, it makes you drop to a low rate by dropping levels again, in my case 123. But the problem was, I never got down to that lower rate! I was so frustrated, because I have a pretty high heart rate and it was pretty much impossible to get it down to that low rate! I tried again today and, following Mark's advice, also slowed down my pace and focused on my breathing to allow my heart rate to drop. And I did reach the lower level! It was a pain, though, to peddle at a speed that was waaaay slower than what I usually do. (I went from an average of 95 rpm to 80, it felt like I was standing still! (which I was, technically, since I was on a bike and a) it was a stationary bike, and b) I was sitting down.))
I've checked with previous recorded sessions on my heart rate monitor and the amount of calories burned was pretty much the same, so it did not have a negative impact, but still. It's weird to work out with doing way less than you're used to doing.

Spicy garlic chickpeas

We were unbelievably uninspired at dinner time this week. It was almost painful to watch, I am sure, the way the BF and I were standing in the supermarket, staring at the coolers with meats and wandering back and forth between the veggies and the frozen pizzas... I'll be honest, I have not been feeling very well this week and to say that I wasn't exactly in the mood to do some actual cooking is an understatement.

So we settled. We had some pre-baked Egyptian pitas in our cupboard somewhere, and they're awesome with shoarma and garlic sauce, but that's not really a healthy option for me, so the BF took home the shoarma, and I made myself some spicy garlic chickpeas! It was an experiment, because I had read some recipes that sounded pretty great, but I did not follow one at all. They turned out so unbelievably delicious though, so I'm sharing the recipe.

Spicy garlic chickpeas

- 1 can of chickpeas, washed and drained (I used the 425 ml can from Bonduelle)

- 3 cloves of garlic / pre-minced garlic with olive oil
- olive oil (if you're not using the pre-minced stuff)
- 2 teaspoons of spicy curry powder
- rocket lettuce
- cherry tomatoes
- pita bread

For the garlic sauce

- 1/4 cup of Non-fat Greek yoghurt
- 1 clove of garlic
- pinch of salt and pepper


Wash and drain your chickpeas thoroughly. I don't know if this is typical for the brand, but mine always have this top layer of nice, loose chickpeas followed by a thick layer of squishy-looking peas in a jelly-like substance, which just looks grody. So rince thoroughly!
Finely mince your garlic cloves and add to a pan on medium heat with about half a tablespoon of olive oil, and let simmer for a minute or so. If you are using the pre-minced stuff (which I was using since the garlic in our supermarket looks like it's about to start talking), don't add any extra oil.
Add your curry powder and mix to combine with the garlic. Then add your chickpeas and stir to coat with the curry-garlic mixture. You can taste one to see if you need to adjust the spices. Keep to one or two though, if you're like me, your pan will be half-empty before it reaches the table...
 Keep the heat to medium/low and, stirring occasionally, cook your chickpeas for 8-10 minutes.
In the meantime, bake your pita bread, wash your lettuce and chop your tomatoes in quarters.

Then grab a bowl and make your garlic sauce:
Add the yoghurt to the bowl. Mince your clove of garlic, add the salt and pepper and stir to combine. Taste and adjust flavours to your liking. I love garlic, so I always add at least one more clove, but if you like subtle tastes, stick to one!

To assemble, slice open your pita like an envelope, grab a spoonful of garlic sauce and spread it around inside and up the sides of your pita. Then add a handful of rocket salad, a few quarters of tomato, and several spoonfuls of the chickpeas. Top with some more tomato and a few dollops of garlic sauce.

These make a delicious and easy dinner, and I can say from experience that it tastes even better the next day for lunch!

Enjoy!

4 weeks in: my first evaluation

Whew, those weeks have flown by! It's hard to believe that I am already 4 weeks into this whole.. thing.

Thing.

Let's tackle that one first, shall we? I find myself opening up to people about this whole weight loss and health thing I've started more and more, and I like talking about all the stuff I learn (mostly from Pinterest), but the one thing I seem to have problems with, is actually giving the beast a name! What is it I am doing, exactly? Am I on a diet? Because really, it sounds like a bad thing to just call this a diet. Apart from that, calling it a diet also raises expectations and more questions about what kind of diet, whether there's a book they can buy, whether there's a program to follow, or a blog to read or video to watch. But I don't have any examples, since I'm doing this by myself and through my own program, my own recipes, my own 'handbook'. It's making talking about it difficult, because it is apparently hard for people to grasp the concept without resorting to asking me 'why'.

Talking about it like it's a diet also brings out the less than kind comments ("You don't need that! Are you nuts?!") and unwanted advice, and even though most of them are not meant as such, it makes me very insecure. I made this image in the first week, when I felt that the only one fit to reassure me that this was a good decision, was me.

So I'm not liking calling it a diet. It's far more than that, obviously, since I am also working on my health, on getting fit, on building up muscle instead of fat. But to call it a change in lifestyle also doesn't suit me. It sounds fine enough in English (albeit a bit fancy), but it sounds downright pretentious and, quite frankly, ridiculous when I call it that in Dutch. I'm still not certain what to call it. A change of habits, is what comes closest without raising eyebrows and questions. 

Anyway. This... change of habits. Four weeks in and boy am I feeling the changes! No, not really, to be honest. I think the biggest change I am actually 'feeling' is that my body seems to have become far more sensitive to sudden changes in daily diet, because, and I'll spare you the details, there have been some periods of.. less than regular toilet visits. I suspect it has something to do with this being the 'Summer' (I use this term lightly because we have had torrential showers and storms for weeks now) and, as a result, there have been several barbecues after which I felt less than stellar. As in, my stomach felt like it was out to kill me. Am I becoming more sensitive to badly cooked barbecued meat? (I hope not, that would mean I can't ever cook meat for dinner by myself again.)
Whatever it is that causes my stomach to get upset, it has put a few dents in my regular weight loss and it fluctuated heavily through the week, but it always ended up resolving itself after a few days and if I put my loss from week to week together in a graph, it's still a nice, fluent line!

That's right, you are seeing that correctly. That's a loss of 5.5 kg! I'm proud of me. Go, me! Yay! I made comparison pictures and I can see a bit of a difference, but I'm far too insecure still to show those on the blog... Sorry! You'll have to take my word for it.
People are beginning to notice some change in my appearance, friends that I hadn't seen for a long time who noticed immediately, or my brother's girlfriend. Since I don't see any difference, having them tell me they do (unsolicited, I must add) felt pretty good!


This weekend, I came to a realisation about my struggle with my weight and why it feels as though this whole lifestyle change is coming quite natural to me. It has been one year since I first went to the gym and I remember crying after I made the first appointment with a trainer for a training schedule. My first steps into that gym were tentative and slow, and I felt like it wasn't doing anything for me for the first months at least. But now that I look back on how this year has gone by, I can only say that I think it was all just ramping up to this decision I made a month ago. I think by the time I was ready to make that decision, I had built up quite a bit of mental strength along with the physical muscles. I am now in a position where I feel comfortable enough to ask my trainers for more exercises, exercises that target specific muscle groups or areas, or that help me with specific problems. I am aware of my shortcomings and know that I have miles yet to go, but I am feeling comfortable enough with the process. I think it's a bit of an understatement when I say that this realisation was quite liberating!

All in all, these first four weeks have been very interesting. In the next four weeks, I want to:
- Focus on expanding my healthy dinner options. I am doing excellent in the breakfast and lunch division, but my dinner-options are still quite lacking in variety. It's mostly chicken. And salad. Not that I'd have trouble with only eating chicken and salad, but there's a certain BF that would like some variation in his daily hot meals.
-Keep a better weightlog. I like making notes and the app I use to track my calorie intake does allow for comments, but I want to start keeping it in a notebook. I still have one I have barely used that's a lovely little size and perfect for the job, since that's not the only thing I want to keep track of...
- Start weekly measurements. I took measurements a few weeks ago, but I lost the piece of paper! I want to keep track of both weight and sizes since muscle and fat aren't interchangeable in size, after all. This would be far easier to do in something like a notebook or an excel sheet. But since I like jotting things down in notebooks... I'm going to make a weekly log of weight and measurements.
- Keep visual track of my progress. I have taken a few pictures, but I am so severely self-concious about my physical appearance that I won't post them online. However, I do want to keep taking those pictures so I can keep track of my progress in the easiest way I can: by looking at those pictures. I love the Tumblr Before and After Pictures of Weight Loss because it shows what those people were capable of. It's impressive! Whether they have lost 5 or 50 pounds, or even over 100, I love looking at those pictures and hope to one day have one of those pictures of my own progress.

This list may not contain an awful lot of changes compared to the last four weeks, but for now I simply intend to keep up the good work I have been doing so far.

Upping my game

I seem to have hit a plateau. It's not a solid, sturdy plateau, since I see my weight bounce up and down a bit (I am still weighing every day and really should not do that...) but it's making me a bit annoyed. According to the BF, it's because I am now building up MAD MUSCLES YO, meaning that my weight might go down slower now that my body is adjusting to more muscle tissue. If so, this is of course a good thing. We'll have to wait and see. I have been taking down measurements this weekend and will compare next weekend to see if there is any difference.

Even though my mother (who I have casually informed of my change in diet and subsequent weight loss, as she came with me to the gym yesterday and I had to discuss it with people there) thinks she can see some difference in my tummy, I am not really noticing any difference in my overall appearance yet, though I have noticed a slight difference in a certain area. My boobs are not their bountiful self! In fact, if I have a couch-potato day (hey, we all have those every now and then, right?) they feel particularly tea-baggish at the end of the day. So yesterday I asked for some more exercises that target the chest muscles, to help them perk up a bit more while I lose weight.

That was yesterday morning. I am now really, really sore... Making me realise that I had little to no real exercises that target that area! It's a good thing I asked.

While the trainer was explaining my two new exercises, I asked him about planking since pins like these have been making the rounds on the fitness-boards recently and I was curious. According to various pinners, this exercise could also do wonders for your chest, but my trainer informed me that, while this exercise will engage a lot of different muscle groups, it is mainly meant to strengthen your core, and is not a good exercise if you want to build up overall muscle. He even told me that, with my training schedule and the 3 workouts a week I have planned, there was no real need to include workouts at home on the off-days. It was an interesting conversation, to say the least, because it was contradicting to a lot of things I had thought I learned over the past few weeks. I might keep up the sit-ups and exercises at off-days, though. It feels good to do them.

Another interesting conversation I had yesterday, was with my physical therapist. While I was doing calf raises to stretch my deeper calf muscles, the source of my injury, he was explaining about nutrients and how common knowledge about them was severely outdated. We have a saying in Holland (originating from a commercial from somewhere in the Nineties): 'Two ounces of veggies, 2 pieces of fruit, they'll keep you fit for a long time!' (that's a very liberal translation, by the way, of "Twee ons groenten, en twee keer fruit, dan hou je het een heel stuk langer uit!") However, the decline in nutrients in fruit and vegetables over the past years makes it so, that you'd need a hell of a lot more than two ounces of veggies and 2 pieces of fruit a day to reach the recommended daily intake of nutrients that are most common in fruit and vegetables. He thinks that it would be in anyone's interest to include multivitamins in their daily diet. Once again, interesting perspective on what I always thought to be common knowledge!

He also explained another up-side to my change in eating habits and diet that I hadn't actively noticed: due to the taut muscles in my calves, I got a lot of midnight cramps in my legs, at least as often as once a month. However, when I switched to a different diet and included a lot more nuts and fruit into my daily intake, I started to take in certain nutrients that counter this effect! I haven't had any crampy legs these past three weeks. (Though I must add, not thanks to midnight cramps. Those calf raises yesterday were killing, and my legs were so painful that it took a lot of effort last night to find a pose in bed to sleep comfortably.)

To make a long story short, I am still on the right track. With the help of proper exercises and therapy, I might just be able to make my goal of losing those 30 kg before the end of the year, but not only that, it'll also help me with other issues I did not even realise were caused by my bad health and habits! And that idea is making me pretty excited to see what the future will bring.

F*cking Fitness

Oh man, am I tired. I just came back from the gym! Then I realised (or, well, the BF just pointed out that I hadn't blogged since Sunday) that I haven't made an outline of my workout schedule. So here we go!

I joined a gym where the fitness instructors are complementary. Wooo, no extra fees! When I joined, I filled out a form with my height, weight, what my goals were, if I had any injuries, etc.. Then I made an appointment with one of the instructors and she made a personalised workout schedule. Once every three or four months (depending on when we remember to ask) we make a new appointment and go over the schedule, and make changes.

My schedule right now is as follows:

- 20 minutes cardio on the stationary bike (I use the cardio setting. This requires you to enter your age, and it calculates the ideal heart rate for you. You start peddling at a set speed and need to keep that speed the entire time. As soon as your heart rate reaches the ideal heart rate, the machine starts adjusting the intensity to keep your heart rate level while you need to keep your pace level. It's pretty intensive, if you do it right!)
- Strength training, several types of lifts and pulls, targeting the arms and legs, followed by several exercises that target the abs.
- 15 minutes of cardio (elliptical machine, rowing machine, stationary bike).

I do this 3 times a week, trying to do it as fast as possible without pushing myself. I think, and my trainer told me this as well, that it's more effective to keep going, than to do some exercises, lounge around for a while in front of the tv, and then go on to do the next, as I see some people *uchemybrotheruche* do at the gym. Now, naturally, I do stop for drinks of water. Always remember to drink your water, kids!

If you are on the fence about wanting to join a gym, or are already looking into joining, I have some advice about what really helped me.

- See if there's a gym near you that offers the help of fitness trainers. At my gym, there's always at least one trainer available for questions or help. I love the fact that I can just walk up to them and ask them about my schedule, or ask them about certain exercises, and they're always willing to explain or demonstrate.
- See if they offer a personal trainer-session. From what I understand, many gyms actually have this service but they don't offer it unless you ask. It never hurts to ask! If they don't offer this for free, it may be worth the money to pay for one. I know that it really helps me, to know that my workout is tailored to my wishes and body.
- Look into different memberships. My gym offers several types of memberships, including one that only gives you access to the gym between 10am and 4 pm. If that works for you, go for it! It might save you some money. Otherwise, if you're like me and want the freedom to go whenever you feel like it, get a general membership. I pay 50 Euro a month for my membership, which gives me unlimited access. I go three times a week, meaning it's a little more than 4 Euro per session. That's perfectly doable!
- ask around! Do you know people that go to that gym? Ask how they like it, or if it's busy at the time of day you want to go to the gym, if it's expensive or not, what the changing rooms are like... Get informed before you make a decision. If you're not enjoying yourself at the gym, you're not going to give it your all.
- Don't be afraid of actually going to the gym! This one might be more personal, though. I was so nervous about getting a membership last year (because of my bad relationship with my weight and body) that I was terrified the first time I went. And I ended up loving it there! I go in the mornings, and there's always the same people there, young and old, but it's never too busy. The atmosphere is great, very relaxed and enjoyable. People make small talk, say good morning, we chat and laugh, I have fun with strangers... Something I never would have imagined I would do. So don't be afraid to open up a bit! It may be a very emotional experience, to start going to the gym, especially if your situation is similar to mine, but that first step is the hardest and it will only get better and more enjoyable afterwards.

Good luck!

Eating habits

So. One week in. One week without sodas, sweets, crisps, fried foods and bad habits. And it's feeling pretty good so far! I thought I would miss the sweets and snacks, but I'm doing pretty good so far, snack-wise. I even survived my secondary school reunion barbecue without stuffing my face with bread and satay sauce and bad, fattening meats. I did kinda stuff my face with fresh pineapple. (My god, that pineapple. Oh, oh, oh, my, that was one deliciously sweet, ripe, gorgeous pineapple.) But that's a good thing!

I went against the weight loss tips and weighed myself every day, (I know, even against the advice of my physical therapist, bad me!) but I only saw a slight rise in the line on Friday morning, the morning after I ate a bigger meal than I had planned. It was a bad meal, too, with a creamy sauce and a lot of pasta. So far, I have lost 2 kg this week, a massive amount if you take into account that I did not do a lot more than normal, except change my daily food intake and watch my calories a lot more.

I installed a nifty app on my mobile phone called the Calorie counter by Fatsecret, which is really helping me in keeping an eye on what I eat during the course of a day and to keep my total number of calories below the maximum number I allow. I set myself on 1500 a day, which gives me some wiggle room with my evening meals since the physical therapist told me to stay between 1600 and 1800 a day. I know that eating less than I should sounds bad, but I've hardly been hungry this week! The only time it really hit was on Thursday evening, and I had a very unpleasant evening trying to chug as much water as possible while telling my body to sod off and stop asking for food. I know it wasn't hunger, but it sure did felt like it. Oddly enough, this also was the one evening I ate too much for dinner!


Here's a rough outline of what a daily meal plan looks like for me.

Morning: (at 8:30, unless it's a gym morning)
- 1 bowl of muesli
- 1 piece of fruit (usually an apple)
- 1 glass of milk mixed with the muesli and apple.

Lunch:
- 2 crackers with lean cream cheese
- a handful of cherry tomatoes

Snack:
- 1 apple with peanut butter

Dinner:
- Grilled chicken and green veggies, and a handful of potato-somethings. This week, it was mostly baked potato cubes.

Evening:
- a handful of almonds

During the day:
- 2 litres of water

Depending on what I eat for dinner, this usually adds up to roughly 1500 calories. I have been trying to find more healthy, low-calorie dinners that will satisfy both me and the BF, but he's a picky eater, so it's making it somewhat more difficult than I had anticipated. Plus, I want him to eat well, but he's being exceptionally supportive of my mission and is insisting I eat what I need to, and he'll just fill up on snacks during the evening if the meal doesn't do the trick. He's got a very active metabolism, and has trouble maintaining his current weight of 50 kg. It is making this whole thing somewhat more complicated. I've got some plans for this week, though, to keep him satisfied (and let him eat some of his favourite foods), where I can just substitute part of the meal with something healthy for me!

I'm thinking...
- Shoarmawraps for him, with shoarma and garlic sauce, like he loves to eat it, and spicy chickpea-wraps for me!
- Grilled chicken with a sundried tomato basil vinaigrette, served with a salad and some baked potato, where I just leave out the potato!
- Roasted veggies (curried cauliflower or broccoli with garlic, for instance), with more veggies instead of potatoes for me!

Any tips? I would love to hear more!

Most dieting tips I see tell me to aim for 3 meals that fill up, and add 2 or 3 snacks during the day, aiming for some food every 3 hours. However, my breakfast always fills me up until pretty much 1 pm, when I eat my lunch. At 4, I eat a snack, and I have one more in the evening if I feel like it. Funnily enough, the snack-habit is the easiest to kick: even with the BF sitting across from me, munching on crisps, I don't feel the need to grab something for myself to snack on.

So. To conclude week one:
 I lost 2 kg (from 112 kg to 110 kg.).
 I had little trouble kicking it off, with one hickup on Thursday evening after a bad meal. I'm pretty sure it was because of that meal.
I went to the gym twice and got good advice from an expert, who will be helping me with my weight loss and will keep an active eye on my progress. 

In the following weeks, I want to learn:
- what are bad 'healthy' foods and what are good healthy foods to have at mealtime, so I can put together a better, healthier, leaner meal that will still fill up me and the BF and won't leave us hungry after an hour
- how to better spread out calories during the day without having to cut in portion size during dinnertime, because I want to eat properly to avoid getting hungry in the evening
- how to include exercise in my everyday routine, including good exercises I can do at home during the day, that won't do any harm to the injury in my leg. I read that doing jumping jacks are awesome, for instance, but I know that doing jumping jacks will hurt my calf.
- if I can go to the gym three times a week. I want to start tomorrow with going in the evening after dinner, and see how that works for me, and to go on Wednesday and Friday morning.

How to drink those 8 cups of water a day like a pro

It can never be stressed enough to say that you should drink enough water. While the debate on whether those 8 cups or 2 litres a day are actually necessary is still in full swing and seems neverending, it still is important to drink plenty of water. Especially when you are trying out for a healthy lifestyle and exercise a lot, you'll have to keep your body sufficiently hydrated.

But what if you're like me, and you start to hate the taste after a few sips? Or what if you loathe the taste to begin with? How do you work those 8 cups down your throat, then?!

It's easier than you think, actually. Here's a few tips on how I like to enhance the flavour of water without adding any sugar or calories! (remember, I'm not a dietician, nor am I a scientist or have I studied this, so this is based on personal experience and taste.)

- Drink sparkling water. Somehow, the taste of sparkling water or soda water is so different from regular water, yet there's nothing more in there than a few bubbles! Plus, it tickles on your tongue. Double bonus.

My favourite brand of sparkling water is Spa, in particular the Marie Henriette. It's only slightly fizzy, and I love the subtle taste. Plus, the bubbles are caused by natural carbonation, and not added manually. I don't know why this makes such a difference, but hey, it does!

I would say, steer away from the brands with added flavours, like Crystal Clear, but that's out of personal preference. I think they taste like butts and leave an awful taste in your mouth...

- Add fruit. A few slices of a type of citrus fruit will add a ton of flavour, without adding a grain of sugar. A related tip would be to freeze chunks of fruit into ice cubes, and pouring your water over these ice cubes, or even to pour it over frozen fruit! Many supermarkets these days sell boxes of frozen fruit that are perfect for making smoothies (because you can leave out the ice) or to use as a tasty alternative to ice cubes. And on a related note...

- Drink your water cold! The taste of water seems to change significantly when it's nice and cold. Keep a pitcher in your refrigerator (you could add those ice cubes I was talking about before, or cut up a lemon and add the slices to the pitcher) and keep refilling it whenever you pour yourself a glass.

- Drink through a straw. Go ahead, try it. Grab a glass or a bottle of water, stick a straw in there, take a few big tugs, and see how much you already drunk. I always drink way quicker when I drink through a straw!

- Always keep a bottle close. Whether you are on the road, during a commute, or behind your desk, whether you're running or lounging on the couch, always keep a bottle of water within hand's reach and preferably within sight. I always have a one litre bottle on my desk and when I'm sitting on the couch, I have one standing next to the coffee table. It's within reach, and within sight, and I have found that having a bottle near me will greatly diminish the craving for a different type of drink (such as that bottle of coke that the boyfriend keeps on his side of the coffee table...).

(Photo: Undressed Skeleton via Pinterest)

- I found this idea floating around the Pinterestverse and love it! Take two water bottles, mark them up in regular intervals, fill them each morning, and make sure you empty each one before the marked time!

In other words, there are plenty of ways to ensure you drink your 2 liters of water, too! Do you have any tips? Share them with us in the comments!

Physical therapy and positive thinking

As you may have read in my welcome-post, my attempt to start running was thwarted by a painful leg injury and I was forced to stop before I even really began. I was able to get a free appointment with a physical therapist through my gym and the conclusion was: no more running. For a while, at least. Needless to say, I was bummed. The cause of my injury was a muscle in my calf that was too tight, causing the connective tissue to get stuck to my bones, which hurt, which caused the injury. I probably made it worse by continuing to run after it started to hurt.
Today, during my intake, he explained that exercise and stretching might help with this problem, but he agreed with me that losing weight would help as well, since my injured leg wouldn't be carrying all that extra weight while running.

So now I'm in physical therapy. He was talking about multiple sessions, adjustments to my fitness-schedule, more cardio (DO ALL THE CARDIO!), specific cardio-exercises... and keeping a close eye on my weight and weight loss. I'm no longer allowed to weigh myself at home, (not that it'll stop me, but hey.) but I'll have to be weighed at the office every 3 weeks, or so. When asked what my average intake of food was, he was very impressed with my meal-plan yesterday. I explained that it was in no way representative of what I ate before on a weekday, since I only just started with the adjustments in my diet, but he told me I was on the right track. He even asked where I found the information on the changes because the types of food I ate (like an after-dinner snack that consisted of berries and nuts) and was surprised when I explained about my fitness-board on Pinterest.

 This morning has taught me several things. One: that physical therapy fucking hurts. Oh, my. It is supposed to make it better, but so far.. Ow. I couldn't even climb the stairs afterwards...

Two: that the internet taught me all sorts of good things about changing my diet and eating habits. Go Internet! Point for you.

Three: that my work situation will benefit from taking regular exercise breaks during the day, instead of one big exercise moment at the end of the day. In other words, because I'm behind the desk all day, I'm better off going for several 15-minute bike rides, instead of going for a 1-hour ride after dinner.

So, in other words: I'm on the right track. And that's making me feel pretty good, just knowing that I made some good decisions. The fact that my progress will be monitored will give me a push to keep going, to stay motivated, and hopefully, to get me to where I want to be.

An intro into Tecrin gets Fit

Welcome to the new section of this blog, Tecrin gets fit! In this section I will document my steps towards truly getting healthy and fit. As with many health- and get-fit-blogs, a little background always helps a lot in understanding why someone starts such a blog so I will explain my situation. 

Go grab a drink, it's going to be a long one.


I have always been overweight. Well, no, let me rephrase that. When I was born, I was two weeks early and tiny. I think I weighed 2.5 kilos! But I quickly made up for that. Eating became a habit in my childhood, and stealing candy from the candy tin in the drawer became second nature whenever I came home from school. I got an allowance, which I usually spent on more candy and sweets. In my last year of primary school my entire class turned on me and bullied me. While mostly, I could pretend to shrug it off as them being assholes, the comments did stick. I started eating my lunches at home after 3 months and would often come home crying and craving something sweet to take my mind off things. I was 10.

Eating turned into a coping mechanism in secondary school, and the struggle with my weight really began. I had stick-thin friends who stuffed their faces with everything sweet and crunchy in sight and never gained an ounce, but that wasn't me. I ate when I was stressed, and I was stressed a lot thanks to, mainly, school theatre group. Final rehearsal week was especially bad, as we'd be stuck in the auditorium for hours a day with often not much to do whenever a scene was being rehearsed. Having a boyfriend with a metabolism rate that's approaching the speed of light also didn't (and still doesn't) help. A rehearsal day often ended with everyone gathered around a table, emptying bags of crisps and candy.

I also ended up with a rather aggressive form of eczema when I was about 14. It made me insecure, it made me feel bad, it made me miserable, and being miserable made me eat. Thanks to a dermatologist with a tendency to push her patients to trying new things, I ended up doing light therapy, more light therapy, seventeen thousand different types of ointments and creams, even an experimental treatment with medication they normally give to people after a kidney transplantation because at that point, my body had enough of my skin and was trying to push it away. It made me feel bloated, disgusting, and made my skin burn like someone lit a fire underneath. I gained a ton of weight during those days thanks to her 'treatments', even though they never worked, and finally, after almost six years of this, gave up on ever going back there. My skin calmed down considerably quickly after I made that decision. Funny, that.


I don't think I fully realised back then what I was setting myself up for. But I noticed that my weight was always creeping up, and it made me miserable. Being the dramatic teenager that I was (let's face it, we're all drama queens during those years), I considered starting throwing up after meals to do 'damage control', but I never went through with it. The idea itself was too revolting, I guess. Thanks to one of the most wonderful classes in secondary school history, where bullying was not tolerated by the students and teasing never went beyond remarks about one's hair or clothing and mostly stayed within the bounds of grades or strange personal belongings, I was never bullied or teased about my weight again.

I managed to stay relatively in shape during those days because school was a 20-minute bicycle ride away and I played badminton twice a week. Thanks to a horrible coach and a lack of interest in the sport thanks to him, I stopped playing badminton when I was 18. By then, I was in university, and walked a lot. My college is situated in the heart of Utrecht and it was at most a 15-minute walk from the station, so why bother taking the bus? I still lived 30 minutes from the train station, so I usually took the push-bike there and back home.

I think my current weight-issues began when I moved in with the BF. Suddenly, I lived only a 10-minute walk from the station, and I lived together with someone whose idea of a healthy meal was thoroughly muddled thanks to never really having cooked a meal in his life. I gained 10 kilos in the first 6 months. University was also stressing me out. My first year, I chose a program that did not really fit me, and I wasted a year trying to struggle my way through it before deciding to switch to a program that did suit me.

My parents, supportive as they were of my every choice in life, seemed unable to deal well with a daughter that was clearly unhappy with her own body and thought peptalks that only focused on my body and weight would 'help', or that cracking jokes about it, calling me Miss Piggy or poking me in the gut whenever I was eating, would help. I've never told them, but the tons of conversations we had that started with my mother tut-tutting about my weight really broke me at times and I shed many a tear about them because all I could focus on was that I was fat fatty fat fat fat. 

I suppose at this point one could say that I was nursing a slight eating disorder. I would try to 'eat healthy' by not eating at all, only to fall asleep during class or on the train due to lack of nutrition. I would then come home and binge on anything I could get my hands on. Whenever I tried to actually eat healthy, I'd try to live on fruit and nothing else for days. I don't think I need to tell you that this didn't work and eventually, I'd fall back into old habits and eat a whole bag of crisps by myself. I wasn't exercising at all in those days. I would try to talk myself out of eating something, but when I succeeded in convincing myself I wouldn't need that cookie, or that bag of sweets, I'd reward myself... by eating that cookie or diving into that bag of sweets.

Last year I decided that enough was enough. I joined a gym and started working out twice a week. At the beginning of this year, however, I decided that I was going to start my own business as a translator and quit my (somewhat active) job at the local bookshop. I couldn't muster up the time to go to the gym twice a week and it dwindled to once a week, sometimes not even that. I decided to take up running this year, only to have my plans thwarted by short muscle structure in my calf muscles which gave me horrible pains in my lower leg while running that I'm hoping physical therapy will help with.

But despite my efforts, I didn't lose a single pound. Oh, sometimes I did, but they'd always come flying back as soon as I let up the effort. I didn't start a diet, because I only live with my boyfriend and I can't afford to cook two meals every evening, nor did I want to force him to join my diet.

But it really is time for some drastic changes in my life. Enough is enough.

Right now, at the start of this blog, I am a short, fat girl that weighs 112.5 kilos, and it is my goal to lose at least 30 of those before the end of the year.

There, I said it, it's out in the open! No turning back now.

In the coming days, I will document my steps toward a healthy eating plan and will try to lay out an exercise schedule that I can commit to every day. I hope you will enjoy reading along with my journey towards a better, fitter, healthier, happier me.